


the home i wrote about

by troubledsouls



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Josh is 18, Past Rape/Non-con, Tyler is 20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 11:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17703854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubledsouls/pseuds/troubledsouls
Summary: Josh doesn’t laugh. Tyler looks up, and Josh is staring at him, head tilted, stick poking out from between his lips.“Still not ready?” Josh asks.“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”“Mmm.”





	the home i wrote about

**Author's Note:**

> this one is a little weird but i hope you enjoy regardless
> 
> title from [homesick](https://youtu.be/hR0jAdbsA4w)

Josh shows up one day, paint smeared on his nose and bandaids on his fingers. 

“Hi.” Tyler says after he takes a second to stare. “There’s paint on your nose.”

Josh swipes at it and sucks the paint off of his left index finger. 

“You’re gonna poison yourself.” Tyler makes no move from the doorway. 

Josh pops his finger out of his mouth. The paint stains the bandaid. There’s still some on his nose. “I’ll live.”

“Okay.” Tyler’s still concerned about his health. 

“Want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

Josh makes a big, sweeping gesture. 

Tyler’s brow furrows. “I don't understand what you mean.”

“That’s cool.” Josh scratches his nose. Some of the paint comes off and gets stuck under his bitten nails. “Whenever you’re ready.”

He wanders off down the hall of Tyler’s apartment building. 

Tyler closes the door.

++++++++

Again, Josh shows up at Tyler’s door. 

“Shouldn’t you be off at college?” Tyler asks. It’s the middle of October. 

“Nope.” There’s still band-aids on Josh’s fingers, but they’re in different places. “Gap year.”

Tyler nods. “Yeah. I took one too. I go to Ohio State now, though.”

“Cool. What’s your major?”

“Undecided.”

Josh hums. “Do you want to go to a show with me tomorrow?”

“Uh.” Tyler considers for a couple seconds. “What band?”

“A variety. All locals.”

“Where is it?”

“The Basement.”

“Okay. I’ll come.”

“Cool.” Josh pulls a ticket out of his pocket and holds it out. “Doors are at seven.”

Tyler takes the ticket and stares at it for a long moment. When he looks up, Josh is gone.

+++++++-

Tyler spots Josh intermittently throughout the night. Sometimes in the corners of the venue, sometimes in the front dancing along to every song, but never in the same place twice. Tyler sticks by the bar and drinks water and watches. 

All four of the bands are good. He writes their names down in the notes on his phone and vows to listen to their released music later. 

After they’re all done playing, he tries to find Josh. He spots the bright yellow hair twice in the crowd, but can never quite reach him. 

Tyler’s almost given up when someone taps him on the shoulder. 

He turns around, expecting to see Josh, but instead is met with a face he remembers from onstage. The bassist in the second band. 

His hair is short, brown, curly, and unruly. His eyes are light brown, and there’s something about his features that would be conventionally attractive on anyone else. On his round face, it adds an air of intensity and beauty. 

“Who are you looking for?”

Tyler blinks and collects his thoughts. “My friend Josh. Kinda short, super bright yellow hair, looks younger than he actually is which is 18…” 

“Haven’t seen anyone like that around here, sorry.” The man shrugs. 

“Um, you did good. I’ve never really been to a concert like this before.” Tyler scratches the back of his neck. “It was pretty cool. Uh, what’s your name? Mine’s Tyler.”

“Thanks. My name’s Alex. If I meet someone named Josh, I’ll direct him to you.”

Tyler waits for fifteen more minutes.

Josh never comes.

++++++--

It’s been a week. 

Tyler opens the door. Josh is there. 

There’s a lollipop shoved into Josh’s cheek. He speaks around it. “Did you like the show?”

“Yes.” Tyler blinks. “Were you there?”

“I had to leave right after, sorry. My mom doesn’t like it when I hang out after concerts.” He pops the lollipop out of his mouth. “But I was there. Did you like the music?”

“I liked it a lot.” Tyler blinks again. He’s slightly confused. “Do you want to come in?”

“Sure.”

Tyler steps to the side. Josh slips inside, shifting his skinny frame so that he doesn't touch Tyler at all. 

Tyler’s apartment isn’t anything special. It’s rather small, with only a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen area, and enough free space for a couch and a tv. 

Josh perches himself on the back of the couch. 

“Do you want anything?” Tyler shuts the door. He feels awkward. 

“Nope.” Josh licks at his lollipop. His tongue is blue. The lollipop is blue. “Do you have a job? You’re always here when I show up, and I never arrive at the same time.”

“I don’t.”

“No classes?”

“I…” Tyler scratches at the back of his neck. “Fine. You got me. I don’t actually go to college. I just take a few classes at community college.”

Josh nods, like he’s gotten something he’s wanted. “If you don’t work, how can you afford this apartment?”

“My parents pay for it.” Tyler’s face feels warm. 

“Why?”

“You sure do ask a lot of probing questions for someone I barely know.”

“Mm.” The lollipop is back in Josh’s mouth. “Want to come with me to another show?”

“Sure.” Tyler doesn’t know why he says yes. “When?”

“In a week. Here’s your ticket.” Josh pulls a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket and tosses it. Tyler catches it with one hand. “You want to answer my why now?”

Tyler unfolds the paper. “My parents wanted me out of the house.”

“Why did they want you out?”

“I don’t remember. I was acting weird, I guess.” Tyler reads the ticket. Three bands, two from the last show. “Y’know, a couple years ago, I cut and dyed my hair just like yours.” He laughs remembering it. “I did not look good with a mohawk. Don’t know why I did it.”

Josh doesn’t laugh. Tyler looks up, and Josh is staring at him, head tilted, stick poking out from between his lips. 

“Still not ready?” Josh asks. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Mmm.” 

Tyler busies himself with folding the paper back up. 

He doesn’t see or hear Josh leave. He just looks up, and Josh is gone.

+++++---

Josh shows up in the morning, the day of the show. He doesn’t say anything. Tyler just lets him in. 

There’s paint all over Josh’s hands, but no bandaids. He bites at the tearing skin on one of his fingers and perches himself on the back of Tyler’s couch. 

“Hi.” Tyler finally breaks the silence. 

Josh follows with a non-sequiter. “How long ago did you stop creating?”

“Huh?”

“You used to make a lot of art.” Josh gestures to one of the walls. Two of Tyler’s paintings hang there, all abstract and strange. 

“I stopped two years ago. People didn’t like it.”

“You stopped writing, too. People liked your writing.”

“If you say so.” 

“I do.” Josh switches to biting his nails. “So, why did you stop?”

“Like I said, people didn’t like it. It wasn’t good enough.”

“Nobody stole your words from you?”

Tyler blinks, then shakes his head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t feel like someone grabbed your creativity from within your chest and pulled it out of you piece by agonizing-”

“SHUT UP.” 

Tyler breathes heavily, halfway to hyperventilating. 

Josh tilts his head. He looks unfazed. 

“Get out.” Tyler growls. 

Josh doesn’t move. 

Tyler storms to his bathroom and slams the door behind him. He stares at himself for a long moment in the mirror. 

Nothing happened two years ago. 

Nothing. 

When he finally has the courage to step back out into the rest of the apartment, Josh is gone.

++++----

Tyler still goes to the show. He sees Josh’s hair in the middle of the crowd, sees him move with the music and the people. 

Alex’s band is second again. They’re just as good as the last time. 

Afterwards, Tyler doesn’t look for Josh. He just waits at the back of the venue. 

“Hey.” Alex leans against the wall next to him when the venue is almost empty. “No interest in meeting the talent?”

Something deep and nauseated settles in Tyler’s stomach. He ignores it. “I’m not good at talking to people.”

“Me neither, honestly. It’s easier when people come up to me.” Alex looks over at Tyler. “Did you ever find your friend?”

“Nope. He was here today, too, but he said his parents want him home right after shows.” 

“That makes sense.” 

Tyler twists his hair between his fingers. “He invited me to this show, and the last one too. It’s nice. I like the smaller venues.”

“Honestly, I do too.” Alex tilts his head back against the wall and looks up. “Even though the artist dream is supposed to be, like, selling out huge venues all around the world, I’m content to just play these little ones. It’s a lot less hectic.”

“Mmm.” The sound of acknowledgement Tyler makes reminds him of Josh, reminds him of that morning. He pushes off the wall suddenly, standing up straight. An ugly feeling twists in his stomach. “I should head home. Sorry.”

“That’s okay, man. See you later, hopefully.”

Tyler doesn’t respond to that, just leaves the venue as quickly as he can without tipping off anyone that something is wrong with him.

+++-----

Again, Josh shows up to the door of Tyler’s apartment. 

“Maybe I should go to your house sometime.” Tyler says. He still lets Josh in. 

“You don’t know where I live.” Josh returns to his perch on the back of Tyler’s couch. He’s wearing the same baggy red hoodie as every other time he’s come to visit Tyler. 

“I’m still upset with you, you know.” Tyler shuts the door to his apartment and leans against it. “You were rude.”

“Sorry.” Josh doesn’t sound sorry. “I was just trying to help.”

“You weren’t.”

“Mmm.” Josh pulls a lollipop out of his pocket and unwraps it. It’s blue. His hands tremble with the fine motor functions. 

“Essential tremor?”

Josh nods. 

“Yeah. I have one too.” Tyler holds up his hand, palm out. They both watch as his fingers shake and twitch slightly, just enough so that he could never pursue a career that requires a steady hand. “Kind of annoying.”

“Yeah.” Josh shoves the lollipop into his mouth. He speaks around it. “Do you want to know a fun fact?”

“Sure.” Tyler steps away from the door and sits next to Josh on the back of the couch.

“Apparently, if someone looked just like you, you wouldn’t recognize them.” Josh doesn’t look at Tyler. “Isn’t that weird? You could have met yourself before and you’d have no idea.”

Tyler half-laughs. “Yeah, that is weird.”

Josh pulls the lollipop out of his mouth. “I think about stuff like that a lot.” He holds it out to Tyler. “Blue raspberry.”

Tyler feels sick. “No thanks.”

“Okay.”

There’s silence between the two of them for several long moments. 

“Are you ready to talk yet?” Josh asks. 

“I don't understand what there is to talk about.”

“Your heart knows what I’m talking about, even if your brain doesn’t want to acknowledge it yet.”

“Alright.”

Josh hops off the back of the couch. “There’s another show in two weeks. There’s a band playing that I’m not sure if you’d like.”

Josh says the band name, and the words burn Tyler’s brainstem like he’s being branded. It makes him feel sick, dirty even, and he has no clue why. He’s never even heard of this band before. 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll come.” He hopes the feeling doesn’t show on his face. 

“Cool.” Josh pulls a ticket out of his pocket and hands it to Tyler. “See you there, hopefully.”

“Hopefully.”

“I gotta head out.” The lollipop is back in Josh’s mouth, stick poking out of the corner. 

“Alright.” Tyler stands and opens the door. “Stay safe.”

“You too. Next time I visit, try and talk to me?”

“I will.”

Josh leaves, wandering down the hall with his hands shoved into his pockets. 

Tyler has no idea what he’s supposed to try and talk about. 

The ugly feeling sticks with him all day.

++------

The next week, Josh lets himself into Tyler’s apartment. Tyler only sees him when he exits his room and Josh is there, perched on the back of the couch yet again. 

“Hi.” Tyler decides questioning how Josh got isn’t the best option. 

There’s paint on Josh’s cheek, long dried and already flaking off. Tyler decides against saying anything. Josh has the energy of someone who doesn’t want to be questioned, only answered. 

His words reflect that. “Why did your parents want you out of the house?”

Tyler pauses in remembering. “I don’t really remember. I know that I was struggling with some, uh, mental health stuff a couple years ago. Same time I did my hair like yours.”

“Sending your kid away when they’re struggling doesn’t sound like good parenting.”

Tyler shrugs. “I dunno. It helped. I learned how to take care of myself, anyhow. They give me money for food and stuff every week, though. It’s like I’m still living with them, just… in a different place.”

Josh moves like he’s going to bite his nails, but they’re too short. He says nothing. 

“I figured myself out.” Tyler feels awkward under Josh’s stare. “I’m fine.”

“If you stop telling yourself that, what’s going to happen?”

“Nothing. Because I don’t have to tell myself when it’s true.”

“Mmm.” Josh presses the pads of his fingers against his lips. 

“It’s true.” Tyler feels sick. “It’s true. I’m fine.”

Josh just stares at Tyler. It questions the words more than questions ever could. 

“You’re…” Tyler falters. “You’re weird.”

Josh just nods. 

“You’ve gotta believe me.” Tyler feels desperate and he doesn’t know why. “Please. I’m fine.”

Tyler steps forward, towards Josh, and reaches out to grab his hand to plead. 

Tyler’s fingers pass through Josh like empty air. 

“Wh…” Tyler looks down at his hands. 

“You wouldn’t recognize someone who looked just like you.” Josh mumbles. 

Tyler looks up into his own 18-year-old face. Josh’s face. “What…?”

Josh smiles sadly. “You have to talk about it sometime. You have to remember it sometime.”

A blink, and he’s gone.

+-------

Tyler still goes to the show, even though almost every cell in his body tells him not to. He still goes. For Josh. 

Josh isn’t even real, but Tyler still goes. 

He doesn’t see Josh at all. 

The first band that plays is the one with Alex. Tyler likes their music a lot. He even mumbles along with the words a little, as much as he can without drawing attention to himself at the back of the venue. 

The second band isn’t one he’s seen before, but they’re also very good. He nods his head with their music and writes their name down. 

The third band is the one whose name makes his stomach twist and his brain hurt. He watches them come onstage, dressed like they’re playing for screaming fangirls in a stadium. The lead singer saunters onstage, and Tyler’s heart drops out of his body. 

Oh, god. He knows that man. 

He knows this band. It’s just been two years since he’s seen them. 

Something inside of Tyler screams and breaks, and he finds himself heading towards the exit in a daze. He hears someone telling him that if he leaves he can’t get back in, and he hears himself saying that that’s fine. 

Fresh air doesn’t help. He just wants to hyperventilate. 

He finds an empty patch of sidewalk right next to the building and crouches down, head between his knees and arms over his head. Tears get out of his eyes and drip down onto the pavement. 

Two years ago. 

Oh god, he was raped two years ago.

\--------

Tyler stays like that, shaking and crying and barely breathing, for an amount of time he can’t process. 

“You okay?” It’s a voice that’s familiar. 

He feels someone sit down beside him. He manages to uncurl enough to look. 

The stranger looks maybe a couple years younger than Tyler. He has wild, curly brown hair, gauges in his ears, and a piercing right through the middle of his lip. 

Tyler shakes his head and tucks it back in between his knees. 

“Do you need anything? I know we’re not really allowed back in, but I know the first band, so I could go get you some water if you wanted.”

Again, Tyler shakes his head. He doesn’t want to move. 

He doesn’t want to remember, but he’s remembering, remembering. 

Two years ago, someone had helped him up, afterwards. A boy Tyler didn’t recognize then, but one he does now.

“Josh.” Tyler mumbles. 

“That’s my name.” The stranger says. Josh says. 

“Long time no see.” Tyler lets out a shaky laugh and manages to sit up, head tilted back against the wall so he’s looking up at the sky. 

Josh had offered him a blue raspberry lollipop, afterwards. Tyler hated the flavor the last two years, but he hadn’t remembered why. 

Remembering fucking sucked. 

“Tyler.” Josh says. That’s all Tyler needs to know he remembers. 

Tyler laughs again, but halfway through it twists into a sob. 

“Can I hug you?” Josh asks. His voice is quiet and soft. 

Tyler nods. 

Josh opens his arms and Tyler leans into them. He ends up pressing his face into Josh’s shoulder and sobbing, two years of pent up emotions flowing out of him all at once. 

“I’ve got you.” Josh murmurs, one hand rubbing circles into Tyler’s upper back. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea if this is good, but here it is
> 
> tumblr: [nonbinaryclancy](https://nonbinaryclancy.tumblr.com)


End file.
